All the Things She Said
by DevlinV1
Summary: [FIN:2004] Jeff Hardy reflects on his memories of the only woman who loved the real him, and the people who tore them apart. [Not a MarySue or self insertion fic.]


**All the Things She Said**

**By Archangel**

There she was again. Lately she has been everywhere that I look. In posters, magazines, DVDs, and of course on television. With her latest problems taking place on RAW I haven't been able to escape her. Her beautiful face. Her flowing blond hair. That body that I would've killed for. But it's not just her looks that had me after her all those years ago. No. She was sweet to me. She looked past my makeup and my fishnet and my strange behavior to see what was inside of me. I don't think she could handle all of it, though. That might've been why I lost her in the first place.

I stare at her now, watching her cry, feeling her heartbreak. That asshole. How could he do that to her? Chris Jericho. The King of the World. King of Bling Bling. The Highlight of the Night. I wish he would choke on his own ponytail. I recognize that look in her eyes. That sadness. She really had fallen for him. Just like she had for me.

_I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost_

_If I'm asking for help it's only because_

_Being with you has opened my eyes_

_Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?_

_I keep asking myself, wondering how_

_I keep closing my eyes, but I can't block you out_

_Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me_

_Nobody else so we can be free_

I still to this day cannot believe that she kissed me. Yeah, I had saved her, but that didn't warrant a kiss. And the look in her eyes afterwards. She had looked at me and made my heart leap into my throat. She was so beautiful. So sparkly. I couldn't believe it. And then she kept coming around, talking to me, helping me get ready for matches. She was flirting with me constantly. Not that I didn't return the favors. I was more than joyous to finally have someone pay attention to me. And it was a woman! A beautiful, talented, intelligent woman wanted to be with me. Oh, I tried not to get into it. I had a feeling it would never work. The goth boy and the perfect princess? Yeah right. No matter how I tried, though, I was drawn like a moth to her gorgeous flame. I would've given anything to be able to take her away from the show, away from the crowds and the prying eyes. I think we could've made it if not for the laughter, the gossip, and the people constantly staring at us. And then of course, those people finally seemed to realize that we were in love. We were both falling completely in love. So they lashed out at us. Mainly me. They blamed me for everything.

_And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed_

_They say it's my fault, but I want her so much_

_Wanna fly her away to where the sun and rain_

_Come down over my face and wash away all the shame_

_When they stop and stare don't worry me_

_Cuz I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me_

_I can try to pretend, I can try to forget_

_But it's driving me mad, going out of my head_

So many people went after me for what I had done. I had saved her. It wasn't my fault that made her fall for me. She needed a hero at that moment and no one else was stepping up. So I did what all those other so-called buff manly punks didn't have the balls to do. Me. The goth boy. The feminine one who painted himself so pretty, wore nail polish, and skirts over his pants. I went out there. I saved the damsel in distress. I saved the day and got the girl and they couldn't stand it. Jericho. Christian. Hell even Matt and Lita. They all told me I was doing the wrong thing. I had no right to be with someone like her. Why don't I find a nice little goth _boyfriend_ instead. They still think I'm gay. I don't believe that either.

I pushed on. I wasn't going to let them push me away from her. I'd fought for her, literally. I won. So I ignored the stares and dirty looks. I ignored threats. I went on loving her because I knew it was right. She loved me. She even told me so once, whispering so quietly in my ear, so nervous and scared. I had nearly cried right there in front of her. She loved me. Not anyone else, but me. Jeff Hardy. I was loved. I had never seen her more beautiful than that very moment. It was that moment that had sealed it for me. Looking into her dark eyes, seeing her so scared of her own feelings and my possible reaction to them. I kissed her. I held her. And I didn't let her go for the rest of that spectacular night. But I guess it just wasn't enough. She had always been so self-conscious. Something had hurt her in her past and made her that way. She couldn't stand ridicule. And when it seemed that I wouldn't let her go, my enemies turned on her as well.

I thought it would be okay. I really did, but then I noticed her not touching me in public. She wouldn't hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, or anything. She was slowly shying away from me. Pulling back and trying to put a rift between us. I only clung to her all the more, begging her not to leave me. Yes. I begged. On that final night when it all ended. I was on my knees. I was crying. I was clutching her hands and begging her not to let them take her away from me. I loved her. I loved her so much. She was so unhappy with me. Even if it was everyone else's fault I realized finally that she would never be happy with me. Not as long as I was the little goth boy. I would have to change for her. Even with all the love I felt for her I simply couldn't do that. She never asked it of me either. She knew me well enough to know I wouldn't do it. Maybe in another life I might've. If I had been a little older at the time and not so damned stubborn. I would've changed for her. I've considered doing it many a time.

_Mother, looking at me_

_Tell me, what do you see?_

_Yes, I've lost my mind_

_Daddy, looking at me_

_Will I ever be free?_

_Have I crossed the line?_

I always think to myself that maybe if I had changed then I would still be with her. I could've done it. I could've thrown away my paint and hair dye. I could've let her have my nail polish. The fishnet could've been given to my fans. I even would've cut my hair short again just for her. But not back then. I was stubborn, ignorant. I know that I would've regretted changing my entire self just to be with her. I probably would've hated her for it and it would've ended horribly. But that might've been better than keeping myself, losing her over my self-image. And I wouldn't be staring at her now. I wouldn't miss her. I wouldn't still be crying for her as she cries for another man. I wouldn't be hearing her voice in my mind as she whispered 'I love you, Jeff Hardy.'

_All the things she said_

_All the things she said_

_Running through my head_

_Running through my head_

_All the things she said_

_All the things she said_

_Running through my head_

_All the things she said_

_This is not enough_

_This is not enough_

"I love you too, Trish Stratus."

**The End**

_Legalities: Jeff Hardy, Trish Stratus, and any other mentioned characters are property of World Wrestling Entertainment. I claim no knowledge of each of the characters sexual preferences or lives. This is a story of fiction, none of these events are real. I received absolutely no profit from this story._


End file.
